The time is now coming very soon where I will have to say goodbye to the way my life is with a pack of four.  Hal is getting a place close by where I will be going to school, Miles will be living with a friend of his (about an hour away unfortunately) and BB and I will be rooming in the same dorm.  I’ve grown accustomed to the way things are right now. All my brothers together, able to talk, bullshit with each other, have a good time, and just be there for each other when we needed it. Sure, it wasn’t always perfect, but no family is.  These guys I consider my close family, as I’ve mentioned numerous times.  I never truly knew or felt how true that was until now.  I have less than a week until I have to move out to the dorm with BB.  Then that will be it. It will be at least a year until we even consider living together again with all of us.  I’m going to miss them. Miles most of all since he won’t be very close.  It’s a painful realization, but I guess I just need to learn and find a way to cope with it.  Something we truly did create was a sense of belonging, a relaxed atmosphere where we could learn about shifting and spirituality, and most of all a strong bond that I pray to  God won’t be severed. I guess at this point I just have to carry on and be strong.  Sure at times I get down on myself, trying to figure out what it was I did wrong, but in the end I did the best I could.  As I promised myself when I first started: If we do decide to split up, it won’t be because of me. I will put everything I have into this because I truly believe in it.

 

I feel I did do everything I could.  I never gave up on anyone, I never stopped trying to help whenever I could.  I have to accept what’s happening and take this as yet another new start.  This time, I hope to establish an even more solid foundation for us.  I’m still not giving up on us, and I won’t unless my brothers truly want to leave and drift apart.  They’re almost all I have right now, and I hate the thought of losing even one, but I guess it’s the path my brother wishes to take. I will always wish him the best in his journey.  I will miss the good talks, our random endeavors, impulse buys, and most of all, the company of my entire pack together.

Advertisements