In the midst of the stress, hard work, and chaos, I often forget those who are truly there for me.  I work hard for the little I have.  The thing that keeps me distant with my family (in this particular case, my wolf brothers) is fear.  I fear losing them and what little I have.  At this point, I have just a little more than the basics.  I don’t have my own bed, furniture, or house.  I just stay in the campus dorms that provide a place to sleep.  As much as I don’t mind moving around, I still miss a place I can call my own home.  A place where I don’t have to worry about other people being loud, invading my privacy, things of that nature.  It’s not much, but at least I have a place to crash and a small place I can at least somewhat call my own for now.  now that I’ve strayed away from what I was originally talking about.  I have my worries. They are never ending, and I can’t just push them aside unfortunately.  They keep surfacing.   I often don’t talk about them with my brothers because I feel like I’m a burden to them.  I don’t want to bring them down, and I feel like I’m just complaining.  I do get down on myself often.  I do wish there was more that I could do, and most of all, I miss being with all of my brothers.  I have BB around, but I know he has his own problem and worries.  What still continues to keep me from them is the nagging fear in the back of my head.  I don’t know if we will get everything together again.  I’m terrified.  It makes me feel alone in all of this, alienated from everyone.  I can lose motivation, and I feel like there is no support, no break, nobody there to pick me up if I fall hard.  Talking with my brothers tonight has helped, but I still worry.  I don’t know how not to.  I wish I didn’t have that nag in the back in my mind constantly.  I hope I can find the momentum and motivation to pick myself up again.  I do miss my brothers.  I can  only look to the future, and hope for the best in what I’m doing.

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