Category: Dreams

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Nearly every night for a week I’ve been having some kind of nightmare.  Ranging from the disturbing images with rats from my last post to people trying to kill me for one reason or another.  The cause of these, I’m honestly not sure.  It could be something along the lines of the issues with my father, but I don’t think It would be this severe.  Last night’s dream wasn’t too terrible, but the fact that I’ve had this many bad dreams does concern me.  Last night’s dream was just a generic running for my life kind of dream.  I used to have plenty of those when I was a lot younger.  I may try to look at any similarities from that time in my life and now.

Bad dreams

So last night I had a very strange and disturbing dream.  I’m not even sure what to think of it honestly.  It started out fairly normal. I just saw a lot of old faces of friends from high school. It was some kind of gathering or party.  It was nice to see some of the faces. Then, somehow I ended up with my family in a small house.  There was a small living room upon entering, connecting to a small kitchen, and a small hallway to the right.  My brother set up this weird, obviously dark ritual in the kitchen. It involved a gray, stone bowl of some kind. I don’t know what all he did to set it up, but the bowl was smoking like coals were burning in it, heat radiating from it. Then, big black rats started swarming to it, piling up in each other.  Some burning up inside the bowl, others biting, even eating each other. White, fleshy, and bloody remains as well as ashes were left at the bottom of the bowl. Somehow I ended up doing something to “interrupt” it.  A few rats fell on the floor running around.  White bloody remains fell onto the floor and some down the sink drain.  There was a very dark and negative feeling during the entire ritual. Then my family said they had to start it all over again sounding more disappointed than upset.  I woke up right after they started gathering things for a second attempt.

This dream obviously disturbed me.  I can’t even imagine what caused this kind of dream or even why.  The disturbing images still pop up in my head throughout the day. It started my day off with a fairly bad feeling that I eventually shook off fortunately.

weird dreams

So lately I’ve been remembering my dreams again.  It started while I was visiting family over Christmas and new years.  With the incident with my dad, it’s no surprise that I’ve had nightmares concerning him.  That’s not what I’ll be talking about here though.

This particular dream really had me thinking when I woke up.  It started out as a usual odd dream for me.  I was back in my old elementary school, doing high school classes (makes perfect sense, right?).  At one point I realized, hey, I’m dreaming.  I then got the brilliant idea to attempt lucid dreaming.  Well, I started trying to change the dream.  Then I found it very difficult to move, like some unknown force working against me.  I sensed some kind of danger, so I ran down the hall (rather slowly).  I made my away from the slow area and ended up talking to someone else in the dream.  He was an old friend from high school.  He told me he knew it was a dream too.  We sensed the thing that caused the slow movement and began to run away from it.  Behind us, it felt like the walls were closing in.  We made our way through a door that led to a backstage area where we lost whatever it was.  I tried doing something again once some time had passed in the dream.  I was in another classroom filled with familiar faces from high school, but once again, still the wrong place.  I tried to create a ball of energy.  Something seemingly simple in the dream I would think.  Once again the dream started working against me, movement becoming difficult.  I started running out of the room slowly, this time some of the people behind me seemed to stay behind.  I made my way down a hall and saw another familiar face.  This time I saw his face begin to change and the familiar slowing sensation; I turned around to see him do a forward roll towards me and his body become contorted and emerge as a zombie like creature with a twisted body.  I ran as fast as I could with the world collapsing on me, trying to pull me down.  I woke up shortly after.

Now the two biggest question I had in this dream are as follow: 1. Why did my own dream work against me. 2. How was someone in my dream, something part of my own conscious, able to help me in such a way.  I know there are parts I cannot remember where he helped me that I could not include in the description of the dream, but he was able to lead me out.  A third question arises now:  3. why couldn’t I change or even do simple energy work in the dream?  I’ve been able to do some pretty incredible things in other dreams, what made this one so different?  I’m sure these are occurrences that may be answered at a later time or maybe even not at all.  Still makes me wonder regardless.  I will continue to try to do things in my dreams and see if anything changes.

Demons run

So despite naming this post after one of my favorite episodes of Doctor Who, this post does have to do with demons.

I learned some rather unfortunate news about some of my family’s past that explained some occurrences as a child.  When I was little, I had night terrors.  Terrifying dreams that varied from running from various killers, horrifying images, and the worst heavy, dark, feeling.  That dark feeling has followed me in my dreams even to this day, sometimes in the form of a person or thing, other times just the familiar dark feeling.  Occasionally it’s accompanied by the feeling that the dream is working against me, where it becomes difficult for me to move, think, or focus .  I’ve fought with it on many occasions.  Sometimes I win, other times, I hold it off.  It’s never a pleasant experience regardless of what happens.  The dreams were much more severe when I was younger.  It wasn’t until I war around 10 or 11 that the dreams finally calmed down.

So I went off on that tangent with a purpose.  I learned from my mother over the christmas holiday that my grandfather on my dad’s side had made some kind of deal with the devil, promising his children (my dad and his 6 sisters).  I spoke with my sister about it, and both of us had similar problem with dreams and our own “demons” so to speak.  It made sense to both of us about our family’s history and because of that, we have had to deal with more “baggage” than most.  The nice thing about knowing now is that I can piece together everything, understand it, and work through it with a better understanding.  Regardless of my family’s past, it doesn’t mean that I’m helpless or doomed to follow the same example.  “Demons run when a good man goes to war”  I hope I am a good man, because I want to send those demons running, and continue to grow in my life despite what has been done by my family.