Category: My spiritual journey

Saying goodbye

I had to take some time to think on this before typing this out.  After 3 years, I said goodbye to someone who despite our disagreements, has been there.  There are many things we don’t and probably will never see eye to eye, but when the time came for someone depend on, he was there.  I don’t regret our meeting or anything that has happened.  I’m happy we could have at least ended things on good terms.  I wish you the best of luck in your endeavors. No matter what, you will still remain my brother.  Spirit be with you Sabre


The Interruption

I had a very strange dream, maybe more like an interruption to a dream, that I’d like to share. I was dreaming my usual chaos infused with faces from the past, some sort of action/thriller kind of dream that I cannot completely recall. Then all of the sudden it changed.

There was a fire burning, people gathered in a circle around it. Some with native headdresses, other with drums, some dancing. A strange rhythm starting quietly and slowly becoming louder. People’s faces around me began changing slowly, one in particular I remember reminded me of a bird of some kind. The beat started to build up, at the same time I felt something start to build up in my lower spine. It crawled up my body until I felt it in my entire body. I couldn’t take it anymore; I roared and slammed my fists on the ground. Silence after a large gasp from everyone. There was silence, then a quiet murmur. Someone came up to me with a look of either concern or fear. He spoke to me. I cannot remember what he said, but I felt it was either advice, a warning, or something I would need later.  Everything changed again back to the initial dream right where it left off.

I am not a therian

Between having to deal with getting my domain up and running again as well as the insane amount of strange encounters I’ve continued to have.  For now I’ll be talking about a recent realization I had.  This may be a big shocker (sarcasm included) to some, but I am not a therian.  Yes, sound the horns and blow the crumpets! Jokes aside, I guess I hoped to find more people in the community that had similar experiences to me.  I started out this path there and found some good friends there.  That time now I have to accept has come to a close.  Why?  Well, after doing some posting and talking with members of the therian community, they have finally established their limits to what the community believes in.  This isn’t necessarily a bad thing.  This means to me, those who have experienced other things that the established therian community, will find themselves searching other places for answers.  While I wish the therian community would not be so harsh on people with conflicting or as seen in their eyes, wrong beliefs, I know they will find other information that would be more beneficial if they are genuine.  For me, this also means refining my search into other areas.  Shamanism has been a big help and extremely beneficial for discovering new abilities, methods, answering questions, ect.  I also have my fellow wolf brothers who always have helped in this ongoing search.  While times aren’t perfect, I’m optimistic.  There’s a light at the end of this tunnel.  I can feel it. Something is still coming, and I feel it inching closer. It’s time to go with the flow and see where I’m led to.

Going old school?

Over a week ago I was invited to a costume part by a friend I had recently met.  Figured it would just be a good party with drinks and can meet some more new people. Boy was I right about meeting new people.  I ended up getting to the party late, so I didn’t end up needing to wear a costume.  I introduced myself to the hosts and various other people at the party.   That day I decided to wear one of my wolf shirts. Why? It was one of the few clean shirts I had left.  One of the guys I met (I’ll call him T) commented about my shirt, going on about respecting the wolf.  Now isn’t that ironic?  I assured him that there was no disrespect.  From there we continued to chat.  His friend (I’ll call him Gomez) then came into the conversation and brought out  a feather from when he went out hunting, and a few other power objects he had received as gifts.  Eventually we ended up at the fire pit in the backyard. Four of us walked to the back chatting about spiritual stuff.  The fourth guy chatted like he understood. Many of the women around us kept looking at us strangely, even saying “don’t listen to them, they’re crazy”.  T just smiled and said not to mind them.  “they will call us crazy, but just keep doing what you do. Those that need to be here will be”  Shortly afterwards the fourth guy went back in the house or left. I really don’t remember where he went.  We smudged ourselves while we were at the fire pit, leaving just T, Gomez, and myself.  T took the opportunity to say he was right about being the only people left were those who needed to be.  The knowledge they had was from the native people.  They had been taught by their elders and other native tribes.  I was moved how both of them had their own tribes but were united by their wanting to learn about the old ways.  To them, it was about giving back to the earth and living with the earth.  It was an older medicine and I definitely felt and saw the power of what they spoke.  They were going to show me a warrior dance, but it unfortunately became too late and motor skills deteriorated as we drank. The night has given me a lot to think about and look into.  Things seem to happen as they need to.  This should hopefully keep my impatient mouth from complaining too much.  It’s nice to know I’m doing something right it seems.

The Teacher

As most of you who have spoken to me know,  one thing I would absolutely love to find is a teacher or mentor.  While this has been an ongoing search for me, I’ve been given an answer that I’m not particularly pleased with but I know it’s my reality and the path I will have to take.  My teacher is experience.  I say this because some of the things I have been able to witness have been incredible.  Amazing people, amazing things that are thought to be legends, stories, and fairy tales.  Things that most people would consider impossible and science cannot explain.  I have a habit of adapting to new situations.  This “trial by fire” so to speak is how I have learned everything up to this point.  I develop questions based off of these happenings and search for my answers because of it.  I learn from the experiences of other, sharing stories.  I was pushed to ask more questions.  There’s the whole saying about asking the right questions.  I feel my experiences have led me to ask these questions.  My teacher, experience, continues to push me.  Yes, it’s frustrating many times.  I often feel overwhelmed, lost, and confused.  This I realize is just part of my path.  No, it’s not easy.  Anything worth pursuing never is.  I chose this path long ago.  I guess I can still run if I wanted, but I refuse to.  I’ve come so far already and I want to see this through to the end.  I know I will most likely still complain about not having a mentor or a direct teacher.  I can at the very least be content with knowing I will learn.